Relaxing is a Skill

April 08, 2021

Github Contribution Chart

Above is my recent Github activity chart. You can see that I’ve barely missed a day of code in these few months.

To be quite honest with you though, my motivation has shifted from “I want to code today” to “I don’t want to miss a day of code today”, and it’s quite unhealthy.

I find it hard to convince myself to take a break.

I’ve grown tremendously this past year and I want to keep the momentum going, but sometimes I feel burnt out from my own expectations. On top of schoolwork, maintaining this mindset nonstop improvement is quite pressuring.

I tend to not be able to focus on code when there’s a massive school assignment in the back of my head. It’s common for me to do assignments way ahead of time out of this workaholic anxiety, which often leads to the scenario where the teacher changes the assignment and all my work ends up in vain.

I have a love-hate relationship with learning: you earn satisfaction from gaining new knowledge, but at the same time you discover the mountain of knowledge yet to be attained; the Dunning Kruger effect.

dunning kruger effect graph

The problem is that I constantly feel like I’m in the Valley of Despair.

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Written by Ajay Liu who builds websites and games to make the world a little happier. Check out his website!