Summer Break(down?)

June 08, 2021

Summer break began for me about two weeks ago but I haven’t been able to relax recently.

Summer break has a special place in my heart - as a child, I spent my summers playing games and traveling. In the past few years, I’ve spent my summers sharpening up my coding skills and creating fulfilling projects of my own. However, as I transition into senior year, the impending future has obstructed any attempt for me to relax.

Some of my peers know that I am a “precrastinator”, where I have an obsession of getting things done way ahead of time. This may seem like a wonderful perk until you realize that I panic over assignments that are due a month later. Essentially, I trick my brain into creating a false sense of urgency in order to get things done.

I think this unhealthy “precrastination” stems from my innate fear of the future. I keep telling myself that “hey, you have to finish this by today or else you’re going to fall behind tomorrow when there is a new assignment!” Now that the future is college and college applications, this mindset is backfiring and completely overwhelming me.

Learning to live in the moment is a skill that is hard for me because there’s always a strain of guilt lurking within me whenever I take some time off; I feel worried when I’m not worried about something - it feels oddly unnatural after constantly working nonstop.

I think the best remedy for my current condition is to organize my work habits and my time. I’ve been using Google Calendar to record all my deadlines and it has really taken some stress off my shoulders. I suppose if I can organize my time, I can organize my feelings of uncertainty also.

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Written by Ajay Liu who builds websites and games to make the world a little happier. Check out his website!